Take Back Your Power

How many times have you told yourself “when I get to X then I can do X” ? Or “when I save (a certain dollar amount) then I can buy X”?

I hear this excuse a lot, and I’m calling it an excuse, because the truth of the matter is your power doesn’t rest in the unknown. Living in a world of uncertainty is not great. In fact, it can be stressful and debilitating if you let it. So how can you take back your power?

  1. Start with a the smallest step – you got it, start doing something! The smallest step towards what you want and who you want to be is everything. This first smallest step can be as simple as making a list of what you want to achieve. If you get stuck here, then reverse this list and write down what you don’t want to achieve.

For example: if you have a financial goal of: When I save $1000 in my emergency fund, then I can start planning to remodel the guest bathroom. Ok – great goal to have, but have you even considered what your guest bathroom remodel will entail? Will it be new paint and fixtures, or a full gut job taking the room down to the studs? Have you gotten estimates on what your project will even cost? Putting the steps together, even before you are ready to pull the trigger, will (believe it or not) open up the path to achievement. You may find out that the steps of your plan aren’t hurdles at all, and that the tools already exist for you to get started.

2. Overcome the mindset that “others take away my power.” This is a good one. I, too, have gotten all excited about a new idea only to have those close to me (my spouse included) take all the wind out of my sails. It is not because they think my idea is a bad one, necessarily, but perhaps more to do with the fact that my idea isn’t interesting to them. This is where the planning part of your strategy needs to come into play. As yourself these questions:

  • Why is this goal important to me?
  • What will allow me to do differently than I’m doing now?
  • What will not moving forward with this goal mean to me?
  • Who and what do I need to have to accomplish this goal?

3. Find your own path. Many years ago, I was on a long flight by myself and was seated next to a guy who ended up having a remarkable conversation with. It is not always the case that we get seated next to strangers and end up having a hours long bonding session, but this one stuck a chord with me. I never got his name, but the conversation we had was powerful. I can’t even remember how the conversation started, or even what the specific topic was about. The feeling I got when the flight was over was a feeling of understanding, sense of self and aspiration to be more centered in who I was. This gentleman exuded a high sense of self confidence, humbleness, and total lack of insecurity in who he was. We were sitting in coach, and as we exited the plane I watched as he made his way over to the limo driver who was holding a sign with his name. An assistant greeted him, took his carry on bag and escorted him into the waiting limo at the curb. I felt like I had been given a gift that day. This person was obviously someone who had achieved financial success, but took the time to have a hours long conversation with me (a complete stranger) in coach on an airplane. WOW!

4. Share your power. The best way to feel powerful is to give it to others. Think of yourself as a magic fairy who can wave their magic wand and drop power into the hearts and minds of others at any given moment. Something as little as a kind word of encouragement, an open ended question, or a little nudge in the right direction through an introduction is a spark that someone else needs to reclaim their power.

5. There is enough power for all of us. I sometimes come across other people who hang on to their power like it is their last lifeline on this earth. They are afraid to “give their power away” because that will mean that there is less for them to have or control. Here is a secret: power is not limitless. Allowing others in our lives to rise up will create even more power to us.

What Defines Success?

Success is that all encompassing, top of the mountain, finish line word that tends to define us and our efforts. It can bring us unsurmountable joy, and ego shattering defeat – and sometimes at the same time. Success is a journey, and how it shows up for you isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.

About ten years ago, my friend and business coach, Jay Pryor, led me through a discussion about success. They encouraged me to think back to a time in my childhood when I felt successful. Was it acing a test, scoring a goal, or getting accepted into a group or program? All of these examples show different types of skills, effort and engagement. More than likely, we aren’t successful in all areas, and sometimes our successes aren’t even large enough to get noticed by others. The purpose of this activity was to identify what success felt like to me, and what physical and emotional cues showed up when success was achieved. Was it an adrenaline rush, a sense of personal pride, an “atta girl” by others?

So why is success so important? Should we be seeking success all the time?

My answer to these questions is entirely dependent upon your personal goals, aspirations and how you want to feel when you put your head on your pillow at the end of the day. Success can be having a productive conversation with your teenager. It can look like having those around you achieve their goals, and being their strongest supporter. It could come in the form of a simple “thank you.”

I want to do a simple activity with you. Write down a few things that fit under each category below. I’ll give you some questions to get you started.

Once Was (what did your life look like 10 years ago):

  • What was your job / occupation at this time?
  • What did your home life look like?
  • How were you spending your time?
  • How did you feel physically and mentally?
  • What role did money play in your life?
  • What did success look like to you?

Is Now:

  • What is your job / occupation?
  • What does your home life look like?
  • How do you spend your time?
  • What does your physical and mental health look like?
  • What role does money play in your life?
  • What does success look like to you now?

Can Be (what will life look like for you in 10 years?):

  • What job / occupation do you want?
  • What would you like your home life to look like?
  • How would you like to spend your time?
  • How do you want your physical being and mental health to look?
  • How much money do you need to accomplish your goals?
  • What defines success?

By writing down these reflections, I think you will be surprised at how much you have accomplished. Ten years is a long enough time to see growth in yourself, and plan for growth in the future. Notice I said “growth” and not success? The goal here is to get you into a growth mindset, and the success will come naturally.

Celebrate Milestones

A number of years ago I did an exercise to give myself perspective on where I had been, and where I wanted to go.  This exercise has three parts:  Once Was,  Is Now, and Can Be.  I included areas of personal and career goals as part of this exercise and it looked  like this:

Once Was

College graduate, Job I like, Committee Member, Volunteer, Contributor

Is Now

Seasoned Executive, Job I love, Board Member, Community Fund Founder, Creative and Strategic Contributor, Blog Writer

Can Be

CEO, Published Author, World Traveler…

I also included some financial, family, spiritual and physical goals as I went along.  I revisit this exercise every once in awhile, and it reminds me of the accomplishments I’ve had and how sometimes they go unnoticed – especially by me.  Celebrating milestones, even way after the milestone has occurred, helps to keep your energy and focus in check.  I encourage you to try this exercise and date the page, so when you go back and visit, you will be surprised at all you have done.

The power of writing goals down has been tested and contested by academics and regular people for a long time.  Does writing down what you want to achieve produce the results you want?  Not directly, but it does put your brain on a path to consider how to achieve the outcome you desire.  Making a goal public puts you on the hook for making it come to fruition.  It’s a pretty powerful test of your abilities when you write it down, share it with others, and internalize how you will get it done.

Kick It

Track stars put together a strategy that gives them a competitive pace throughout most of the race.  The best athletes save just a little bit more to “kick it” right at the end for the win.  They push themselves almost to their maximum, but know when to summon up that extra bit of juice to go all the way.

This past week has been an incredible burst of energy for not only me, but for friends and family as well.  I was grateful to share in the joys of many a win: through baseball champions, longest bike ride ever, and even a high bowling score from a non-bowler.  These may be all sports related, but they all proved something to the people who “kicked it” to gain that success.  The baseball champs had created a synergy, positive mental attitude, and remarkable enthusiasm for supporting each other even through the down times.  My friend who rode longest distance on her bike?  She had worked up to this, but surprised herself for her ability to accomplish this feat in a greater way that she even imagined.

Knowing when to go for it, and when to hold back just a little is sometimes a difficult thing to master.  You’ll need to practice your ability to “kick it” and see how your body and your mind react.  Your timing may need some adjustment, or perhaps your mental attitude.  Fine tuning how you can pull forth that little bit extra can provide you with the momentum to exceed your goals.